i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
