I skipped work to stalk him.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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