my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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