once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
