He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
