Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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