I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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