Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
