38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
