love makes seman taste better
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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