do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
