I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize