In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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