I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
