Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
