Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
