so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
