Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
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How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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