my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
