just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
