Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
