I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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