mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
