Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
