how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
