I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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