i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
