and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
