HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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