I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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