Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
