He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
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I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
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Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.