Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize