Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Randomize
