Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
