Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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