you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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