BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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