My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
