Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I lost the right to judge tonight
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
