Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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