he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
