we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
