this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
