I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
he just fucked me for my cheese.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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