Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
