I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
