Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
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