I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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