READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
