So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
