I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Randomize
