so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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