i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
