Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
