Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
