loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
