omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
