I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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