you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
