Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
