Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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