I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Will you blow on my dice?
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
