My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
