Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
