I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
