Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
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That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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