I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
