Redeem this text for a blowjob
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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